Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
