I just made out with a guy for $7.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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