Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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