Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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