Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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