You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
