I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
