i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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