Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
