you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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