is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
