If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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