Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
