Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bring money and cleavage
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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