why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
