i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
