At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
