Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
