Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
