Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
