So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
