Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
