Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
