I need help removing her.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
