If i come over, it means nothing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
