all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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