hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
