I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
