this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
