On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
