i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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