Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
