Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
