It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
