i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
