Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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