then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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