I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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