First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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