Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How naked do you want me to be?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
