I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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