shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
