Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
