I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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