It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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