He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
