Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
