He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
