And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
