Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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