I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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