the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
