i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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