I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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