He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
