I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
