How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
