Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
