there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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