Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
