i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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