He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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