I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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