Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
