Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
